My journey to motherhood hasn’t been the easiest but it sure has been blessed. As early as my teenage years I had a feeling that becoming a mommy might be challenging due to female issues and an extensive family history. This gut feeling was so strong that once my now husband and I became serious in our relationship I felt the need to share my feeling with him. Little did I know that just saying “I might not be able to have babies” would ironically be the easy part of the journey.
Fast forward 6 years, my husband, Jake, and I were finally married and decided that we would try to begin our family. To say that I was over the moon to begin the journey to motherhood was an understatement. But years instead of months passed by and still no baby. After countless doctor visits, fertility treatments, acupuncture treatments, home remedies, etc. I was broken. As much as Jake assured me that we would get through this and somehow get our baby, even if it meant surrogacy or adoption, I still felt an almost paralyzing sadness.
I was at a place in my life that I was becoming bitter. I was bitter towards friends and family members that were posting pictures and stories of their pregnancy announcements, gender reveals and baby pictures. I was angry with all of the comments we would get about being married so long and still not having children. I was hurt when I would see or hear people complaining about not having any “me time” or that the kids were ”driving them crazy”. I longed for the squeals of a child and the hectic life that came along with babies. I could almost bite nails in two every time someone would tell me to “relax”, “quit trying” and “it will happen when it happens”. I knew that these negative emotions were not me and that I couldn’t continue living my life so sad and angry, so I prayed.
I prayed like I had never prayed before. Don’t get me wrong, I had prayed throughout our entire journey, throughout my whole life in fact, but I had a new fire inside me. I prayed over and over, “Lord if it is your will, please make me a momma, but if it’s not your will please take this desire from my heart and let me be at peace”. I knew that He doesn’t want us to hurt or be in pain so that if it wasn’t His will that He could heal my heart and take my pain away. Praying this over and over truly gave me my second wind and I was more determined than ever to let Him lead my journey. The more I prayed the more I wanted to pray. I became more open about our struggles and the bitterness and negativity that I felt began to subside. I started to share with others tidbits of my feelings and our experience with infertility and the outpouring of support from other prayer warriors was overwhelming.
A distant cousin of mine sent me a bracelet that she made that had a medal on it of St. Gerard, the patron saint of pregnancy and fertility. I wore this bracelet and never took it off. I often would look down and see it on my wrist and immediately start praying. Eventually the bracelet broke, I tried to repair it to no avail, and I was devastated. It was like another punch in the gut on this rollercoaster journey. A few days after the bracelet incident Ironically, or maybe not so ironic, I began to feel “off” and decided to take a pregnancy test, like I had done so many times in the past. But this time, much to my surprise, the Lord had finally answered my prayer… I was FINALLY pregnant!
He had chosen me to carry a child. I was to become a mommy to our miracle baby boy. He had blessed my husband and me beyond measure and gave us our hearts desire! And because God took a little extra time, 6 long years to be exact, creating our baby boy, we cherish him and each precious moment with him that much more.
“For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition which I asked of him.”
1 Samuel 1:27
Which leads us here. The Lord has listened to my prayers, and shown more favor than I could have ever imagined! Now my little family and I have started on this journey into the turquoise jewelry business, Collins Creek & Co., and as a family we travel and we search out the finest Native American unique jewelry pieces and bring them to y’all...
As this new journey begins, my prayers are fervent and I am standing on His promises!
If my story resonates with anyone, or any of you are struggling with infertility I am here to help! I would love to talk to you, hear your story, and share the strength and hope that people shared with me! It’s my desire to be a blessing to others just as people have been to me!
K~